It's crushing against my lungs
Until my sorrow is in my breath, my tongue
Words spoken only for you--I feel the weight of them too
Foolish girl, to believe in dreaming
Dreaming of a life, a love, that fits
Fits like a glove
Wishing for a way to stop the sorrow,
I pray and argue
Why am I here, God, enduring?
Wanting you, because I want a way out,
I sit and type in the wee hours of the morning
Because sleep loves me not
I want you to understand,
To mean what you said when you said everything,
To be the boy I want you to be--
The one I see glimpses of when you make me smile
But my smiles are coming less often of late
And this sorrow-weight, it has a shape
A tear drop, a broken heart
It has a sound, the beat of my heart, a sob--
I know not
In the silence of gasping breath
And the in between beats,
I live-still before the Lord
