Homesick

I'm feeling a little homesick, for a place I've never been.
Feeling like I might fit in if I only knew where to look.
But these words I speak and glances I give away,
They belie the heart that beats beneath.

If you think I'm well-adjusted, could you please tell me why?
I feel stretched thin, like lace through the arc of time.
I'm told that I'm doing well, I tell myself this too,
But underneath all the words, is there any truth?

I miss the me that could laugh so free,
Like nothing was wrong in the world.
Is laughter its own selfishness?

If so, I want to be selfish.

Do you fit with me?
In a word, yes.
But is there any truth to this?

Find a place to make-believe that you fit in,
It's the closest you'll ever get.
And if you feel a little homesick, for a place you've never been?
Maybe it's time to make-believe a little harder.

Lost

Written Feb. 25, 2010

Honeyed lies and sugary sweet words--
They drip from your tongue like
Chinese water torture.

Maybe it's better this way
Without love raging inside me
What sense does sense make to a broken heart?

I want a beauty in my life that doesn't revolve around the past
Past loves lost.

I want a beauty in my life
That I can create meaning out of.
I want a way to craft myself
So that I'm someone I'd like to be.

But this creation is missing some parts.
There are holes in me.

Holes left by you, holes left by me.

I wish there was a way to replace you...
Even if it's only with words.
But those words leave me when I need them most,
Just like you.

So I need some beauty in my life, some laughter,
A sense that doesn't have to make sense to this broken heart.