I am the lover I don't have to love

(written April 17, 2008)

Don't you ever wonder what it's like,
To wake up and feel alive?

It gets old,
This breathing in and out
(Until I stop).

I feel old in my hands
Little old lady hands
Shaking like a leaf.

I don't want to grow old
Become broken in body
As I am in spirit

Become a shadow of myself
Unable to think coherently
Unable to write

Unbelievable and irrevocable
The point of no return
Not for me

If I can't write, read, explore?
There is no matter before me
More important than this

The only regret I'll have
In stopping the breath of my lungs
Is that I will never have ever felt alive.